Why decentering men is keeping you from deeper intimacy…

There’s all this talk about decentering men, and yet so many women yearn for deeper intimacy.

And I am not advocating for neglecting boundaries, people pleasing, or reinforcing that good girl conditioning most of us know far too well.
What I am asking is, what if that deeper intimacy started with you?
What if you were able to look at all the ways you victimize, shame, and guilt YOURSELF?

The ways you have been self abandoning, secretly envious of other women who have found devotion and are desired?
What happens when that mirror is turned to you, and you realize how much YOU shame others?

How we force our way through life and then get bitter when it doesn’t go our way?
How much control and dominance do we live our lives with?

How can you know where you need to soften when there isn’t a reflection? A lover’s gaze, their heart to nurture, or even them holding you accountable?
I do believe women need to be assertive and set boundaries; yet, what happens when those boundaries are nervous system responses to never having our needs met?
So now you operate from a guarded space, your body scanning for danger. And so you unconsciously bring this dynamic into your relationships.
You want to micromanage the relationship and then wonder why you never get your needs met.

So you start thinking that giving up on love, devotion, and depth is the answer.

No, woman. It all begins within. We can’t place our sense of safety and joy on others while always bracing for shit to hit the fan.
It all begins in your body. Devotion starts within. That’s how we create the magnetic field.